Friday, 22 June 2012

Lorna Jane named a crop after me! Well sort of......

Here she is!

I don't know about anyone else, but I LOVE Lorna Jane activewear. Did I mention I L.O.V.E Lorna Jane! So imagine my delight when, drooling over her clothes - again, I see a crop - called 'Carissa'. This made my day - my christian name being.......Carissa!!!  On  a personal note - I have never worn a crop  - six babies have left their mark on my poor belly!  But, damn it, I am going to find a way to wear this one!  You have to don't you?  If it has your own name attached?  Well, that's the justification I'm using anyway!  Its fitting, because, my reward to myself is to buy some Lorna Jane items as rewards for reaching my goals along the way.  I purchased two tops this week, which I have tried on - but not worn, in anticipation of reaching my month 1 goal (which will be in week 5, because I signed up late).  They are beautiful.  One says 'Dance with me' - that will be for wearing to Zumba - Yay!! And the other one, doesn't say anything at all but is in my favourite shade of green - and will probably be for wearing to Zumba - more yay!  By the end of this round - I'm hoping for a whole new Lorna wardrobe.  Seems kind of fitting to end things with another picture borrowed from Lorna Jane. 

Mind Games

I'd mentioned in my last post about some work I'm doing on my head - or what goes on inside it to be precise.  I don't really know why it is that sometimes things just start getting to you, but this week - things are getting to me - in a BIG way.  Is this a case of the week 3 curse?!  Does everyone suddenly well up with tears while showering; while driving the kids to school; while chatting with friends; while making lunches at work?  That's been my week.  Here's what I've noticed going on inside my head.

My husband had a job interview this week - if he is succesful, it will be the first time in eight years that our family has had any income, let alone regular income.  You'd think I might be a little excited about the prospect, - but, I can't let myself get attached to that possibility - because, that sort of good stuff doesn't happen for us.  We just struggle from one hurdle in life to the next.  That's what I've found myself thinking.   It makes me cry, thinking of the huge difference that would make in our lives, and also sad, because I presume it will never be ours.  Why?  What am I telling myself that story for?  Why can't that happen to us.

Another example - after an exercise class I went to with my sister-in-law, I was chatting with our instructor, who commented that her husband thinks my sister-in-law is gorgeous (she is) and he had joked that my sister-in-law could come visit any time.  Nothing in that right?  Wrong!  Instantly, I'm thinking, yep, I'm not gorgeous.  No one's husband would be thinking that about me.  Which leads into - I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, likeable get the picture. 

These thought patterns in the past have led me straight to the nearest chocolate bar - thank goodness I've done the kitchen makeover pre-season task!  I guess most people have their own versions of my negative thinking.  I'm wanting to unravel mine.  I'm hoping that recognising it is a good first step.  Its just such a struggle at times - keeping the faith - trusting that there's a reason for the struggle, that there's a reason for my life.  Michelle said in the live feed - that I'm perfect, that we're all perfect, that we're in just the right place.  I'm holding onto that for dear life.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Back blogging with a bang!

I know, it's something that is said all the time - but - my how time flies!  Life gets crazy and suddenly 1 month has passed, and then two and then 12!!!  I'm excited to be writing here again, thanks Michelle Bridges - you made me do it! 

I finished my third and final round of 2011 doing Lean and Strong last year.  Feeling pretty good about being 27kg lighter, a whole lot musclier (got distracted while I was driving because I was too busy admiring my own guns!  Oops).  And then it was Christmas.  And then it was Easter.  And then three of my children had birthdays.  And then I'd gained back 8kg!  2012 was my year to see how I'd go on my own, not being part of 12WBT.  But I'm back, the accountability and support here, helps keep me focused on the direction I want to be heading in.  I read somewhere recently (doesn't it drive you nuts when you can't remember where you saw something?!) that our committment it what keeps us going in the direction we want - when we don't have the motivation.  Or something like that.  Sounds like a plan to me.  This round, I'm doing things I've never done.  I'm keeping a journal; I take notes during Michelle's videos like I'm at school; a sorry admission - but for the first time, I'm diarising red flag days (yes Michelle would probably like to smack me around the head for that one!).  I'm really looking at the talk going on in my head - paying attention to the negative stuff in particular (more on that later - turns out I've got quite a bit of work still to do in that department!).  I'm not beating myself up about the 8kg weight gain - I'm learning where my weak spots still are and making plans for how to combat them.

So here I am - back enjoying the comradery, the DOMS, the breakdowns and hopefully the breakthroughs that are part of 12WBT.  I listed in my pre-season task - that I want to make  magic happen - here goes!