Go-go Gadget Goals!

Aaargh - goal setting!  This task always has me stumbling.  What do I want to achieve?  Where do I want to be in 3 months time?  The scariest part of all.......looking at my last blog post about goal setting - and realising how many goals I didn't reach.   I guess thats a big red flag right there isn't it.  Why didn't I reach all my goals, what got in the way, what excuses did I use, what can I change to get a better result this time?

I will just take a little moment to recognise the ones I did meet - thats important too, right?
Bingeing on Wednesdays after weigh in - kicked that to the curb!
Ran my first Fun Run - what a buzz!

Did I finish my course - nope.  Did I reach goal weight - nope.  Did I get to wear that backless top - nope. 

Why not?  What stopped me?  A few things, that I'd really rather not admit immediately come to mind.
1 - I didn't keep my goals front and centre in my mind.  I wrote them out, and pretty much never looked at them again.
2 - I didn't have enough strategies in place to ensure my success - I didn't make time in my diary to study - no surprises that it never happened!
3 - I wasn't consistent, and persistent enough to see my plans through to the end.  I lost sight of what I'm really after, and let one bad food choice turn into two, and then four and then - well, here I am back for another round!

Round 2, 2013 - Goals
One Month:
Lose 8kg - weight @ week 4 - 64.6kg
Eat cleanly
Write a blog entry once/week
Finish 2 Interior Design Modules
Three Months:
Weigh 60kg (or less)
Be completed Interior Design Course
Start Personal Training Course
Waist measurement of 80cm or less

I'm onto it.  My committment is sticking up in my kitchen.  I'm printing my goals out and sticking them up too.  I've been afraid to do that before.  Afraid that I'll be judged.  Afraid that I'll fail. 
Suddenly the difficulties I have with this task are becoming very clear! My old 'friends judgement and failure'!

I say - bugger it.  This is my life, my choices, I can't control what other people think, and I'm not going to waste anymore time worrying about it.  I've got goals to go after!

Excuses, excuses, excuses!

For a teensy moment, I catch myself thinking, 'I don't have any excuses'.  What?  Why am I signed up for another round of 12wbt then?  Hello - regaining 8kg's doesn't happen without some excuses being involved, now does it?

Internal Excuses - here goes:
*I've got too much on my plate, I can't give the attention to myself that I need to to be successful. Response:  Remind myself that I can handle what's on my plate better if I take care of myself.

*I'm never going to be able to get to my goal weight.
Response:  By following the program and being consistent, I will reach my goals.

*I'm eating to cope, because that's how I've always coped, you can't expect me to just change it overnight!
Response:  I can cope in new ways.  I can exercise or read or take a walk or clean something.  Sure it might be hard to make new pathways and habits, but it can be done, and everytime I do it, the road to better coping gets clearer.

*I'm too tired
Response:  Yep, you are tired, but you never regret a workout - you always feel better afterwards.

*It's only one little bit, it won't matter
Response:  All the 'little bits' add up, and count, remind yourself what you really want - the 'little bit', or rocking those size 10 jeans with a backless top?

*I'm bored of these exercises, my body isn't responding anymore
Response:  Change it up for a bit - get some new dvd's, find some workouts on the internet, do things in a different order, or different location.  Try something new and challenging

External Excuses within my control

I really feel like I might have these ones pegged.  Dare I write that?  I really, truly feel that I have overcome any of these that I had.  I would have once said : It's too hot; the kids won't let me; I haven't got time.  I don't use these anymore - I've proven to myself, that they just don't cut it.  If one did sneak in, I know I can exercise inside if the weather is poor; I can involve the kids in something active if I can't get uninterrupted time to train; I have got time - I can make the time if I make the training a priority.

External Excuses outside my control

*Husband is too ill and I can't leave the house.
Response:  Exercise at home - do a dvd, wait until husband and kids have gone to bed, then train

I know so well that the battle is won and lost inside my head.  I plan on listening to my body.  Our bodies are meant to move, meant to be active, meant to huff and puff and feel physically tired, and stiff from am honest days work.  My body likes to move, my body love the feeling of having finished an awesome workout, my body nudges me to workout if I miss a day - I will listen to my body, and give it a daily gift of movement.  As for the chatter in my mind......can I get ear plugs for that?!

What you put your attention on grows stronger

I can see lightbulbs flashing and hear bells ringing!

"What you put your attention on grows stronger in your life".  This might be something that you all know about already - but it is a major newsflash for me, as Oprah says, an AhHa moment.  I love to read, and am currently reading a book called The Passion Test- The Effortless Path to Discovering your Life Purpose by Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood.

Now this line really got to me, let me share a little more.  "Develop the habit of giving attention to everything that supports your intention and being indifferent to those that are not."  I reckon this has real applications for losing weight and getting healthy.  So, my intention for this round of 12WBT is to finally get to my goal weight of 60kg (I get real close, and then put a few kgs back on) and to continue building muscle, so that I am leaner.  Hmmm, so every time I'm engaging with that negative dialogue that we all have "If I just have one piece, it won't hurt", or "Well, I've already messed up today, so I may as well eat whatever I want"  I'm giving my attention to what I don't want - gaining weight, all or nothing eating, letting food control me.  Oh.  The more time I spend giving my attention to my goals, surrounding myself with like-minded people that support me, eating healthful food that is delicious, challenging myself in my training sessions, looking at pictures of strong women with lean, athletic physiques, the better - the stronger my intention grows.  I like this!

Now of course, life is not one straight, flat road - bummer! What to do then with the mountains and sharp bends that come our way?  "Put your attention on all the good in your life, deal with situations that must be dealt with, and don't dwell on anything that doesn't support what you choose to create."

"Unfortunately, most people focus their attention on all the reasons their dreams won't come true.  Why?  Because they're afraid they won't get what they want.  When you are consumed by fear, when your attention is on the things that are going wrong in your life, you create inactivity and boredom, or even worse, you create the things you fear will happen to you."  I don't know about you - but I've sure been down that path a time or two!  For instance, I've recently gained 4kg.  I'm scared that I'll never reach my ultimate goal, and that I will have to be fighting with my body for the rest of my life, in order to maintain the weight I have lost.  So there is a lot of negative dialogue going on in my head - and as is shown by the 4kg weight gain - some accompanying behaviours - you know I'm talking about you Red Tulip Easter Bunny! to match it.

Now, I'm just wondering where they sell those blinkers that they put on horses, so they can't look anywhere except for where they're going!

PS - You can take a  free little quiz at the link below, about the Passion Test.   When I read the feedback for mine - it was like they were sitting watching me in my life, quite spot on.  Happy passion discovering.

Wheels ON Wednesday!

I don't know about anyone else, but Wednesday, after weigh-in is a big fat Red Flag for me.  Not because I have meetings or lunches or parties or anything else exciting to attend, but because something goes on in this little head of mine that says ok, you've trained hard, you've eaten clean, now you can eat whatever you want.  What?!

Today, after my quite mind altering declaration and letter of a couple of days ago, I'm especially determined that this is one battle that I, and not food will win.  On a side note......just referring back to my previous post, writing that letter to food (I know, its ok if you are questioning my sanity right now!), I have found some aggression - and I'll be damned if I'm going to let food get in the way of my dreams and goals anymore.  I might have to spend 98% of the day reminding myself that I am calling the shots now, but thats ok.  So if you see me muttering to myself, you know whats going on :)

Anyway - back to Wheels on Wednesday.  I thought it best to employ some strategies to ensure my success.  I need to bake today for my kids school lunches, and although I bake healthy stuff for them, licking the spoon, tasting just one, the calories add up.  So, I'll be chewing the mintiest gum I can find, while I'm baking, and as soon as they're done, I'm wrapping them ready for lunch-boxes and popping them in the freezer.  I've got a full and busy day planned:  washing, ironing, vacuuming, study, cleaning - and that's to keep me and my mind occupied, to reduce the chances of that conversation starting in my head, you know the one, it goes something like this, 'One little chocolate will be ok, I've trained, I've eaten well the rest of the day'.  Oh no we don't - not this time!  I'm also going to be re-reading my goals and visualising myself in the super toned bod that I'm working on.  As well - I've got a picture, of a fitness model - whose physique I admire, that I'm going to spend some time admiring......I want my thoughts and actions firmly supporting me and my goals today (and everyday!)

Finally - I'm going to have a little treat with a cup of tea tonight, because I've had a successful Wheels On Wednesday, in the form of a healthier than your usual chocolate chip cookie.  I found this recipe in and issue of Shape magazine last year - the recipe makes 60 (so, yep, I'll take out my two biccies, and into the freezer with the rest)  I'll share the recipe below:

Chocolate Chip Cookies - 108 calories for 2 biscuits (Recipe makes 60)

3/4 cup rolled oats
1 1/4 cup plain flour (I'll be making some of this wholemeal)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup extra light olive oil (I'll be using Rice Bran Oil, 'cos that's what I've got)
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temp
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
1 large egg
1 large egg white
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup mini semisweet choc chips (I can't find these, so I'll be chopping up 70% cocoa chocolate)

Preheat oven to 180 deg C.  Spread oats on a baking sheet, toast for 10 min.  Remove and turn off oven (due to time constraints, I will probably skip this step).

Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, mix flour, baking soda and salt.  Set aside.  In a large bowl, beat together oil, butter and sugars with an electric mixer.  Add egg, egg white and vanilla beating until well combined.  Fold in oats, flour mixture and chocolate chips.  Cover and refrigerate dough for one hour (probably won't do this either - my biccies will just spread out more as they cook because my dough is softer).

Preheat oven to 180 deg C.  Place rounded teaspoonfuls of dough 4cms apart onto two baking sheets lined with baking paper.  Bake for 10-12 minutes or until cookies are set and golden brown.  Cool for fine minutes on sheets; transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

And look - a very bad, doesn't do the smell or taste justice - picture of my baking!




My baking notes:

I used 3/4 cup plain white flour and 1/2 cup wholemeal flour
I only chopped up half a cup of chocolate
and I reduced the sugar to 1/4 cup - kept the brown sugar @ 1/2 though.
I did end up toasting the oats, and just prepared the rest of the dough, and let it sit in the fridge for the time it took the oven to warm up and the oats to toast - saves heating the oven twice. 
Also, I reckon the oats only need 7-8 minutes until they are toasty.  Having done this - I'm not sure it alters the taste so dramatically that I would do it next time :)
One last thing........Use flat teaspoonfuls of mixture that are on the smaller side.  Doing this, I got 55 cookies - I don't know how you could possibly get 60, as the recipe states, using rounded teaspoonfuls.

If you give these a go, I hope you enjoy.

Dear Junk Food......You're just not meeting my needs anymore

Dear Junk Food,

I need to have a real serious conversation with you.  I'm going to get straight to the point.......you're just not meeting my needs anymore.

For a long time - too long, we were pretty close.  I know the relationship was working well for you - You took my money, you had me craving you, you made me feel sick, you even had me believing that I couldn't get by without you.  You were in total control of our relationship.  Now, everybody knows that if one person in a relationship holds all the power.....that is an unhealthy relationship.  Its taken me a while to realise how much control you've had over me.  But, as you know, these past couple of years have been rocky for us.  I've been fighting back, demanding more from you.  And you know what - you haven't delivered.  I've got my sights set on bigger things these days.  A lean, toned body, instead of a soft squishy one.  Good health and vitality, instead of aching joints and heartburn and lethargy.  And I'm sorry, but you just don't cut it anymore!  Healthy, life-giving food is what fits the bill nowadays. 

And do you know what else?  I don't actually need you.  I can live without you.  And I'm freaking tired of you being in control!  So enoughs, enough.  I'm taking charge.  I want more than you can give.  I deserve more than you can give.  Now, I know that you are very conniving and manipulative, and this probably won't be the last I see of you, but, although you may win a fight from time to time, I am going to win the war!

When we see each other - I will nod politely in your direction, but I won't be inviting you home anymore.  You can watch in awe at the things I am going to do, now that I am free of you.

Sincerely,

Carissa

All the little things........

I guess I'm not the only one who is absolutely flabbergastered (hehehe - what a fun word to use!) that the end of 2012 is just around the corner.  Does anyone else feel that life seems to have 'seasons'?  Some season's are full of happiness and joy; some are more sorrowful; some are exausting......
For me - 2012 has been quite a year, a season of struggle.  Much of the year has felt like I'm trying to walk uphill in soft sand - its been bloody hard work!  I'm not just talking about weight-loss here - although at times that has been hard work too, but everything.  Because this year has been so challenging, there have been many times when I have felt absolutely overwhelmed, powerless, and like I can't keep on fighting.  It's so hard to see what's working when the things that aren't working quite right are yelling so loudly!

I know we all have these times in our life, and because, for me remembering the good, the beauty, the joy that still exists in my life - takes conscious effort at the moment - I thought I would use this post to list those things that keep making it worth getting out of bed each day.

- My six children
- My country and my town where I can live safely and peacefully
- My health
- My bed, with clean sheets on it
- Family
- Family get-together's with piles of kids running around and piles of laughs
- My work colleagues, who are more like dear friends
- Roses
- Sweet Peas
- My growing muscles
- That even though we are at the bottom of a financial canyon - my children have always been fed, and not gone to bed hungry
- That I still have hope that things can be different; that I want to be in the position where I can do random acts of kindness for others like they have for me
- The breeze off our lake
- Small country towns like ours
- That I am realising that I am much stronger than I ever knew
- That my 16 year old has grown and matured so much since the events earlier in the year that led him to leave home
- That my children are well cared for and taught in their schools
- That I've been able to work outside the home for the first time in 16 years
- The generosity of whoever has given me a subscription to Oxygen magazine
- Pantry Club - even though I am still working through the shame I feel in needing to access a service like this - I am so thankful, they are there
- Running the City to Bay for the first time
- New friends made this year
- Old friends who love me with all their hearts and have helped me time and again to hold my heart together
- The pride I feel in my new body
- The inspiration I feel for what is still possible in my body and with my fitness and strength
- My daughter's rabbit - personality plus!
- The uninhibited giggling, dancing and singing of my youngest children - so refreshing
- The untapped potential each of my children hold inside
- The written word of others - life-changing
- Mish and the whole 12wbt team
- A hot cup of tea in my favourite cup
-The way I feel when I look at interior design magazines
- The satisfaction that comes after smashing out an awesome workout
- When my heart-rate monitor watch sings me a little song and gives me a little trophy when I've met its training targets
-Heck, I'm even glad for the struggle, because even though it hurts, and the tears aren't over yet - I know it makes me grow, and become a better, stronger, more resilient me

I hope that your year has left with you - not just memories of the struggles but full of memories of the things that have made you smile, made you cry with joy, taken your breath away and made you glad you're alive.  Love to you all xxoo

Daring to dream....

 

I've spent so many years of my life pushing aside any thoughts I may have had of a better life; a happier life; a more prosperous life; a more successful life.  Would I ever tell anyone about my innermost, most cherished desires?  Hell no!  Because, I didn't believe I deserved more than what I had.  People like me can't want things.....because they will only be disappointed, or chastised for being ungrateful.  I've started to realise all that, was a lie. 

I dreamt of being thinner - but never thought it would happen - but with 12wbt and the support of friends and family and a lot of damned hard work, I made it happen.  The realisation of that dream, has given rise to new dreams.  Being fitter, being a runner, having muscle definition.  I love that, the success of something gives you the courage to dare to want for more.  And the motivation to do what it takes to get there.  I am a runner.  I can run a half marathon.  I am gaining some muscle.

So where to now?  Wherever the heck I want, I reckon!  Why not?!  Why not dream big and high and far and wide?  What's the worse that can happen, if I don't realise all my dreams?  I'll have had the adventure of trying.  I'll have had the opportunity to grow from my failures and be stronger for next time.  I'll be more of myself.

I dream to run the City to Bay in under 1 hour
I dream to run be the fastest 38 year old female running the City to Bay in 2013
I dream to be able to do chin-ups
I dream to create a career for myself that makes me excited
I dream to help someone else on their journey, so that they too can feel that the world is one of possibility
I dream of travelling to Europe
I dream of having a reliable car, made this century
I dream of having the finances to fix the leaky roof on my house
I dream of being able to pay for my childrens private school fees myself - without having to be subsidised
I dream of having the most rocking body I can possibly have as a 38 year old
I dream of writing a bestselling book
I dream of having the choice to make or buy gifts for my family at Christmas time, and choosing to make them anyway

My dreams are growing all the time........